Catie FunkTravels Izmir Turkey

GOING HOME SERIES: 6 practical ways to destress your next expat visit ‘home’

Only 3 days into our travels to the states, stress, and anxiousness were starting to creep into my mind. Our first travels back to states after living in Turkey for a year was combined with our 1 month travels through SE Asia. While I thought it was a good idea, I was starting to see some of the holes in my preparation for our time in the states. 

I started asking myself:

How was I going to see everyone in the short time I had? Why did we pick this time to come? How could I have reflected and prepared more so I don’t feel this way next time? How was I going to get my ‘to-do list’ done while spending quality time with other? How was I going to see everyone in the short time I had? Why did we pick this time to come? How could I have reflected and prepared more so I don’t feel this way next time?

Not only was I starting to feel overwhelmed by all I wanted to do, I was frustrated in my expectations of myself and what I thought I COULD do. Up until now, all of my returns to the states the 4 years I lived abroad were as a single gal. This time there were 2 of us which just means that I literally can not just go and do like I did before. We needed to think ahead and have some stability in our plans to help us stay on the same page during our visits.

Not only was I starting to feel overwhelmed by all I wanted to do, I was frustrated in my expectations of myself and what I thought I COULD do. Click To Tweet

Catie FunkTravels Izmir Turkey

 

Here are 6 practical ways you can destress your next travels back ‘home’:

  1. Reflect and prioritize.

What is most important to you? What do you want to do with this time? Family? Certain friends? Enjoying food you missed? Make a list of what you would like to do then make a ‘MUST HAPPEN’ list and a ‘WOULD LIKE TOO’ list.

  1. List of people you want to see and schedule time

The temptation could be to wait until your friends back in your native home contact you. Waiting could upset you and even make you sad if your friends do not reach out to you. Instead, I suggest reaching out to the people you want to visit and encourage them to set a time.

If you are at the receiving end, I HIGHLY encourage you to communicate with your returning expat out BEFORE they come home. While you think it will magically all work out, your returning expat may be concerned about seeing everyone and making time for good, meaningful conversations. Just because your expat is visiting does not mean their schedule is free for whenever you to decide when to meet. Also, reaching out shows your expat they are loved and valued by you. Waiting for your expat friend to contact you is a test your retuning expat may not pass due to the marathon of visits they are making in their short visit.

Just remember that visiting friends and scheduling visits work BOTH ways! Don’t test each other by waiting to see who will contact who first.

Just remember that scheduling visits work BOTH ways! Don't test each other by waiting to see who will contact who first. Click To Tweet

3. Schedule time for family vacation

Going back ‘home’ for visit doesn’t always seem like a vacation, and it can be hard on the family to squeeze in time between work and daily responsibilities. If quality uninterrupted family time is important to you, schedule your visit to the states according, but also let that expectation be known to your family.

 

4. Schedule white space

Filling up all your breakfasts, lunches, and dinners can seem okay when you aren’t actually in your ‘home’ country, but it is a recipe for disaster.  As you plan your visit block off time for your family (especially if you are married and/or have kids) to enjoy something fun together, play games, interact and reflect together through discussions and questions.

5. Have any online purchases bought and shipped.

I have a running list of items I either want from America and/or foods I want to remember to purchase. If possible, try to purchase what you want online before getting to the states which will free up more time to spend with people, handle returns if needed, and require less shopping when you get there.

6. Handle warranty items before you go.

I packed a few items with me to the states that I knew I wanted to be replaced. All of the warranty questions where handles via customer care numbers and emails. If I had done this before I left, the items would have just been waiting for me. Instead, I had to handle them in the middle of our visit.

 

In the end, preparation can be helpful, but the unexpected always pop up. Schedule in that downtime or white space gives you some cushion!

  • Are you an expat living abroad? If so, where?
  • What tips do you have for visits back to your home country?
  • What steps above might you try for your next visit home?

 

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P.S. – This is the first post of a 6 part series called EXPAT GOING HOME SERIES. Stay tuned for the following articles:

2017 FunkTravels Catie Funk Singapore Fisherman's Wharf

GOING HOME SERIES: 6 ways to make your expat visit ‘home’ more enjoyable (Part 1)

If this is your first time living in another country, you maybe find yourself going through reverse culture shock when you return home. It is possible that feelings of frustrations and bitterness towards friends and family who may not have kept up with your life abroad.  You may also find it hard to explain the culture and life you have lived in for the last year. Because culture and questions about everyday life usually overshadow the conversations, the harder it will be sharing the deeper more meaningful moments that happened to you. In addition, personally, I have found the longer you live abroad, the less you want to talk about the small details of culture anyways.

Because culture and questions about everyday life usually overshadow the conversations, the harder it will be sharing the deeper more meaningful moments . Click To Tweet

If you are just wanting to prepare for a better return trip to your native country, preparation is key. Know that you are returning back to your native home where life has moved on without you. While you may consider your transition to be harder or greater, remember that your friends and family have also conquered their own battles. And if they have never visited your new home (or traveled much), the questions may be harder to form. Generally, the offense is unintentional.

While you may consider your transition to be harder or greater, remember that your friends and family have also conquered their own battles Click To Tweet

With preparation, expats can adjust their expectations of their friends and family back home. With even more prep, they can adjust expectations of themselves and how to help the conversations move toward the direction they need as well. 

2017 FunkTravels Catie Funk Singapore Cruise Tour

Here are 6 ways you can help those back ‘home’ understand better:

  1. Think of what questions they will ask you when you get back. (ex. What is the best and worst thing about living overseas, etc.)

Much to Jason’s sadness, I am a reflector and evaluator – see here and here (link to review post). I love setting goals even if I can’t achieve them. I like to see what we have done over the past year. All this means that we do a lot of questions answering ourselves about the good, the bad, and the ugly. In turn, it has made going home much easier because we don’t have to think about the answers to the question others will ask us!

And now, much to your advantage, I also wrote a list of them here. Take these questions and work through them alone or as a family. If your friends or family are thoughtful with their questions, your answers should be respectfully thoughtful in return.

  1. Short answers that answer the questions swiftly.

A friend of mine spent a summer in Africa, and in 6 short weeks, she grew into such a different person. Upon arriving home, she spent the next 48 hours (minus sleeping hours) talking about all that happened and what she learns. Unfortunately for her (and us), we probably tuned out about 1 hour into it.  Your friends and family are capable of lengthy discussion, but sometimes without the context to understand all you are sharing, it could be hard for them to follow along. So instead of talking about what the 30 types of olives are at the weekly market, consider talking about the market and that there are olives there. Help build a base so later you can go deeper.

Help build a base so later you can go deeper. Click To Tweet
  1. Short stories can be powerful.

Sometimes you only have 5 minutes with friends. Those passing meeting can be some of the most rewarding conversations if you prepare for them!  The usually questions begin: “You’re back! Where are you living now? Do you like it there? and how are you?” Instead of just saying “Ummm… good. It’s great”, consider a different approach.

The company I was a part of my first international move shared a great tip for expat returning home. For more meaningful short interactions, prepare 4-5 3 minutes stories that have grown you over the last year to year. Your friend says, ” How are you?” You may say, “ok” OR you can say “Actually, I have a 2 minute story to tell you about how I have learned to…. in the past year. Do you want to hear it?” Then proceed with your story.

For more meaningful short interactions, prepare 4-5 3 minutes stories that have grown you over the last year to year. Click To Tweet

 

2017 FunkTravels Catie Funk Singapore Merlion

 

  1. Plan to visit people before you get to the states.

When we first booked our 4 weeks in the states, I thought, “oh, we have plenty of time!” The first week in Louisiana felt too short, then halfway through the 2nd week in Iowa, I melted down about how we didn’t have enough time! Our problem wasn’t enough time. Our problem was not planning ahead and we assumed people would contact us or make time for us. Remember: Your friends, while they want to see you, are busy with their normal lives! If you really want to meet with people, reach out to the most important ones first. Then if there are others, meet them in groups or with other people as well.

  1. Make a mini photo book and have it ready to show people

Walgreens ran a free mini photo book (maybe 40 pictures) sale right after our wedding and I bought one for all the parents in our family and ourselves. That first summer we traveled to Turkey together for the first time and saw old friends. That photo book was so handy and I whipped it out every time we talked about our wedding. I regret to tell you I did no such thing this last visit to the states. We assume this day in age, that our social media lives are followed by everyone and that all should know what we did during our expat year. But unfortunately, that is not the case and honestly, people just forget. Having a photo book is a natural and easy way to share your lives visually with others. (Read more ways to document your time abroad.)

We assume this day in age, that our social media lives are followed by everyone and that all should know what we did during our expat year. Click To Tweet
  1. Give others AND yourselves grace.

No matter how long you spend visiting your home country, time escapes all of us. There will always be places we did go, things we didn’t do, and people we didn’t see.  And in fact, I would suggest that you do have that list of what you did and things you are thankful for while you visit. Your time home also needs to refresh you and help you process your time living in another country. So be ok with saying no and instead, resting for a day, going out to a movie or just staying home to spend time with your expat family.

 

  • Do you live in another country other than your native one? If so, where?
  • What ways do you prepare before going back to your native country?
  • Which one of this 6 tips stuck out to you?

 

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P.S. – This is the first post of a 6 part series called EXPAT GOING HOME SERIES. Stay tuned for the following articles:

Catie FunkTravels Izmir Turkey Urkmez

GOING HOME SERIES: 8 ways you can bless your returning expats

Going ‘home’ after a year of living in another country and culture is not always easy. My single, extroverted, newly college grad self that moved to Turkey the first time would thrive on going ‘home’ and would love to visit friends and eat the southern foods I missed so much! While I was thriving off of the time I spent in my own culture, my finances were not (Thanks, Dad and Mom for the support and feeding me!).

Being our first time to go home since moving to Turkey a year ago, it seemed to be more stressful as I thought about finances or all the logistics of travel, dinners, and visits. Yes, some of it was by choice, but the craziness of travel is always worth it in my mind!

Before ever leaving the states, one of our goals for our first 3-year timeline in Turkey was to travel home every year, and we were willing to make it work (and use our airline miles to do so!). We know that in the future it may not be as affordable nor flexible enough for us to do so. The fact that we have 7 nieces and nephews is a strong reason as well!

While we were not in ‘need’, we definitely had some pretty sweet friends provide in super awesome ways. Which got me thinking about how other state-side (or native friends) may be interested in how they could also bless returning expats in the future!

That being said, here are 8 ways you can bless your expats that are returning home:

1. Invite them to dinner or just bring them dinner.
Jason and I don’t have kids yet and it was usually easier to visit our friends by going to their home. To be honest, it was sometimes exhausting. If you are able to, ask your expat, (especially if they have children) what would be easier for them. Even better ask them if there is a favorite food they would like to have.

2. Ask good questions and really want to hear the answer.
There are some visits that are just easier than others. But the ones we most enjoy are people who ask good questions. Don’t know what those are? I wrote about 10 thoughtful questions to ask your returning expat.

3. Welcome Home basket with their favorite goodies (and some of your own!) – (OR even JUST A NOTE to say hello!)
If other expats are like me, then they will have a running list of items or food they miss from their native country. For me, it is dried mangos, blueberries, sweet potatoes, Target dollar section, stationary… Just like you prepare gift baskets for new moms or new homeowner, a basket of goodies with American snacks and treats is never a bad idea!

4. Gift Cards for groceries or restaurants
Expats move around a lot on their visits. And if they don’t have a home-base like we did, then that means they will have to eat on the road as they travel. Consider a gift card to a restaurant or visa card for however they want to use it.

5. Online shopping gift cards (ex. Amazon)
Turkey is great and we can get most everything we need. However, there may only be 1 kind of it. And the art and craft store, Hobby Lobby? Not a thing here. Consider a gift card to store you know your expat like to buy from when they return home. Amazon, Target, movie theater, gas cards, etc. are just the start!

Catie FunkTravels Izmir Turkey Urkmez

For the extremely generous or able givers out there:

6. Provide housing –

Our family and friends were so sweet to offer us places to stay. Especially our longer 3 weeks in Iowa, a friend (as well as family) offered us their basement apartment to spread out in – with a living room, bedroom, and bathroom, it was a place we were able to be alone and rest if we needed too. On the other hand, if you are willing and your expat friends don’t take you up on the offer, don’t be offended! For some expats, staying with family can be more stressful than not staying with family. We are just trying to figure out what will be restful for us taking time away from foreign culture while trying to see everyone as much as possible.

For some expats, staying with family can be more stressful than not staying with family. We are just trying to figure out what will be restful for us taking time away from foreign culture while trying to see everyone as much as… Click To Tweet

7. Provide a car –

Rental cars in the states can be pricey! We did rent a car to drive from New Orleans, Louisiana to Des Moines, Iowa, and National was the best we found at $550 with no one-way fee! But it was really nice to know that we didn’t have to pay for a month’s worth of rental car.

8. Share airline miles –

Some people used credit card rewards for hotels, Jason and I used them for airline miles. This summer Catie was able to fly home and back for around $100 thanks to airline miles! If you have miles that will expire, consider donating them to an expat friend.

 

Our family and friends were so very generous with us! (Thank you!) They have also asked us good questions when we return home. I hope sharing what they did for us could encourage others who may not know what to do for their visiting or returning expat!

  • Do you know someone that is living in another country?
  • How often do they make it back to the states?
  • Do you want to do something thoughtful but don’t know how? What blessing stood out to you?
  • What other ways do you like to bless those who come back home?

 

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P.S. – This is the first post of a 6 part series called EXPAT GOING HOME SERIES. Stay tuned for the following articles:

Going Home Series: 10 thoughtful questions to ask your returning expats

Going Home Series: 8 ways you can bless your returning expats

Going Home Series: 6 ways to make your expat visit ‘home’ more enjoyable

Going Home Series: 6 practical ways to destress your next expat visit ‘home’

Going Home Series: Self-care and why it is important for expat returning home

Going Home Series: Managing expectations for expats returning home

FunkTravels Basel Switzerland Expat

GOING HOME SERIES: 10 thoughtful questions to ask your returning expat

If you are hoping or planning to spend time with anyone that has lived overseas for longer than 3 months, then this post is for you! Or if you are an expat going home for a visit, share this post with a friend or family member.

Expats want to come back to their ‘home’ country and spend time with people they love, but it can be overwhelming. So many people and things to do in usually a short amount of time! Expectations of both the expats and the friends/family they visit can be different which leads to frustrations and confusion.

Expectations of both the expats and the friends/family they visit can be different which leads to frustrations and confusion. Click To Tweet

And let’s be honest – Sometimes it is hard to know what to ask your expat friends! Perhaps you have never been to the country they are living, yet alone another country. Finding questions to ask can seem difficult to find. Also, fear of seeming uneducated and judgement of not keeping up with your expat friends hinders others from asking good questions.

Also, fear of seeming uneducated and judgement of not keeping up with your expat friends hinders others from asking good questions. Click To Tweet

I am here to tell you: There is no judgement (well, hopefully!). Expats want to answer your questions! What better time to do that then face to face during their visit back to the states. Even your enthusiasm to listen shows your love and support.

FunkTravels Basel Switzerland Expat

On our recent return after living one year abroad, so many good questions were asked to us. Questions are a wonderful tool to not only learn about expat life, but they will also help you reconnect with your returning expat. As much as possible, consider rephrasing your ‘yes or no’ questions.

10 thoughtful (no ‘yes’ or ‘no’) questions to ask your returning expat:

  1. What do you like best about living in _______?
  2. What do you dislike about living in _______?
  3. What does your daily life look like? How has moving affected your work?
  4. What’s been the biggest change?
  5. What’s the hardest part about living in _____? (seems similar to #2 but this can be personal and not about culture)
  6. What does community look like there?
  7. What is your favourite food? place to eat? activity to do? part of the culture?
  8. What is your experience like in learning the language?
  9. What has this international move taught you? What has it taught you about your spouse?
  10. What do you miss most while you are living in _____?

Other than asking questions, you can simply just ask for interesting cultural traditions, a funny story or an embarrassing moment!  Believe me, there are plenty.  I like the time we dropped a 10 foot pipe down 5 story apartment building or cried after language class.

 

Now to you:

Have you had an expat friend or family member return ‘home’?

What questions above had you not thought of before?

What questions do you like to ask them?

 

FunkTravels Basel Switzerland Expat

 

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P. S. – This is the first post of a 6 part series called EXPAT GOING HOME SERIES. Stay tune for the following articles:

 

Going Home Series: 10 thoughtful questions to ask your returning expats

Going Home Series: 8 ways you can bless your returning expats

Going Home Series: 6 ways to make your expat visit ‘home’ more enjoyable (Part 1)

Going Home Series: 6 practical ways to destress your next expat visit ‘home’ (Part 2)

Going Home Series: Self care and why it is important for expat returning home

Going Home Series: Managing expectations for expats returning home

 

Episode037 FunkTravels Podcast Expat Turkey

Episode037: When your podcast becomes a therapy session

Welcome back! September means (somewhat) cooler weather AND Jason’s birthday. We celebrated in 2 ways… 1. Submitting all of our paper work for our visa renewals! We are hopping to get a 2 year visa.  2. We enjoyed the last days of summer, sun, beach, and the sea on a boat tour with friends! We talk about both on the podcast.

Also, we celebrate our ‘official’ 1 year in Turkey! Jason and Catie reveal to each other their top 3 things they learned this last year. The conversation was a tough one as we talk about stresses of moving abroad and what that looks like for our marriage and relationships with others. Main areas we discuss are intentionality vs. passivity, language, and friends.

 

And don’t worry! We will get to our SEAsia tour that we took in July with our friends, Eric and Ashley.

Until then, you can always scroll back through our Instagram and Facebook accounts to see updates, pictures, and videos.

Some of our favorite quotes:

The stress of moving to a foreign country...not understanding the culture...difficulty of language, made this character trait come out more strongly. - Jason Click To Tweet The short version is: you want to do everything, and I want to do nothing. - Jason Click To Tweet The stress of my doing everything probably causes you to not want to do anything. - Catie Click To Tweet I caused a lot of my own struggles with my identity... Being a believer in Jesus Christ, my identity is in him... One, I had to find my identity in Christ and two, I had to find another creative avenue where I was helping people. -… Click To Tweet I learned how to avoid situations that would force me to learn language, which was not a good thing. - Jason Click To Tweet Friendships take a while to become meaningful. - Jason Click To Tweet The lack of effort needed for daily life (in another culture) can now turn into for building relationships with other people. Click To Tweet People who have lived here many years have more energy to give to relationships because they have lived here longer. - Jason Click To Tweet

Mentioned links:

Catie’s first print article – Reminiscing Romantic Romania

Jason’s Birthday!

Listen to his last birthday celebration in Episode017

Teos Tur

Listen to our month of Airbnb private room living in Episode018

Enneagram

EXPAT YEARS SERIES: 3 part series sharing what we learned in our first year abroad – check below for individual links

Questions for the listeners:

  • Are you an expat living overseas? Where do you live?
  • Have you taken a recent trip that has change you? How did you adjust to going back ‘home?
  • Have you lived in another area other than ‘home’? What did you learn from living in this new place?

As always, email us your questions and we will answer them in future episode!

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Recent Blog Posts:

EXPAT: Interview with ExpatFocus

WRITING: Reminising Romantic Romania

Recent Series: EXPAT YEARS

EXPAT YEARS: Our First Year Abroad (Year 1 Part 1)

EXPAT YEARS: The Truth About Living Abroad (Year 1 Part 2)

EXPAT YEARS: 10 things I have learned my first year as a full-time expat (Year 1 Part 3)

Stay tune for upcoming articles:

TRAVEL: Why you should use Local Guddy next time you travel

EXPAT: Going Home Series

  • The Going Home Series is all about how you can have the best visit back ‘home’. Catie covers both side of the spectrum to help both those in the native country and those living abroad have an easier time reconnecting and supporting each other.
  • If you are an expat going back to your native country, this is for you!
  • If you are someone who will be visiting returning expats, this is for you too!

 

If you are just now joining in:

We encourage you to go back into the archives and listen back to our first episode.  And we encourage you to go back and listen to Episode 9 to help get you up to speed on our big move!

You can also join in on the adventure via Facebook means you will get the first scoop and discussion on new podcasts!

AND…

We are on iTunes!

POP OVER TO LEAVE US A REVIEW ON ITUNES. This helps others find our podcast!